Violets are blue—Happy Valentine's
Day to you.
.........................................................................................................
In addition to violets being blue, me,
too. A bit in the dumps—not feeling great—not really sick—but
a host of little problems. A minor infection in my eye--(being
treated), lots of little pains, in hips, knees and finger joints-not
enough to stop—just enough to keep me reminded all the time.
Emotional spend, too. But feeling
better. Tuesday knit night I intentionally sat next to Kimberly—who
kindness and generosity I admire. I too can be generous—but I
confess—I want acknowledgment. I want the thank you. But I
should know better. Some people are takers, and expect things, and
never acknowledge. Some are unappreciative. That's their problem,
and I am never going to be able to change them—all I can do is
change me. (and I DON'T WANT to change!) I resist being generous,
without desiring thank you's and appreciation. That's MY PROBLEM.
So I am spent and exhausted fighting
with my self--and no doubt, some of this internal conflict is feeding
the fires of inflammation that is making me feel so bad—I am,
literally—making myself sick over it.
But the worst has past-- I am getting
there—I can at least acknowledge my desires—and recognize how my
own desires are messing up my life. That's always the first step,
isn't it? Shedding the desire is the next step.
But I am keeping some desires—I want
to finish my socks, and finish the mohair cowl, and finish the cast
on for my shawl--
Gayle—yes, I have talked about the
idea of a bottom up shawl—with each row decreasing and getting
easier.. And yes, I am documenting the details—so that I can make a
pattern from it. And to be honest, the bit of edging I showed the
other day was 5 rows—though I will admit—the cast on row to start
this edging is a bit unusual--(it's a version of a crochet cast on..
so its not hard –and it could work even with a knit cast on (I
don't like it with a knit cast on.. but it could work with one)
I still haven't fully decided on the
lace pattern once the cast is done, and then the edging is done too,
but I have some ideas. LOTS of ideas!
And today, I will get back to work on
making some of these ideas tangible. I will focus on the beauty, and
change I can make when I handle yarn. I am good at making these
changes!

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